Always on time

One day I was home alone and listening to the song "Feast of Your Faithfulness" and this one line seemed to cut my heart to the core: "I'm with Mary and Martha, You showed up a little late." I ended up weeping on my bed asking the Lord why over and over? Why did we have to find out so late...stage 4. 

Kidney, brain, neck, shoulders, spine, ribs, hips, thighs. 

I realized this was one of my main complaints to the Lord, not why cancer, but why we were "so late to the party" as the first oncologist we met with put it. Why did He allow it to go so many places before we ever had any indication it was there? Why couldn't he have let some injury lead him to a CT Scan earlier? Why couldn't there have been some evidence of something going wrong in his kidneys? So many why's. There's no way to know how long the cancer has been there, but likely years. For months, this why so late question is what I kept bringing to the Lord. 

Judson - 2 months.  Eden - 2.5 years.  Lydia - 4 years.  Eli - 5.5 years. 

These were their ages when we got the diagnosis. Babies. And one day it dawned on me that it is very likely that this cancer was growing for most, if not all of our children's lives. Had we known about the  cancer earlier, would we have Judson? Probably not. Eden, Lydia, Eli? There's no way to know, but it seems very unlikely that our family would look as it does now.

It's a strange feeling when the Lord gives you a glimpse into his ways that are so much higher than ours. How one minute the thing I was struggling so hard with, I suddenly became thankful for as I think of my little bundle of blessings that I love so much. How did the thing I was most frustrated by suddenly seem like a gift? 

All of life is a gift. 

Every night we ask our kids, "Who loves you the most?" And they say, "Jesus and God" (I don't know why they say both). It's true. It must be so true. For the Lord to delay our knowledge of Clay's cancer while giving us the blessing of a full home, he must have such deep love for them. And I will spend all of my days speaking this truth to their hearts. 

Earlier this week, I read the story of Lazarus in my quiet time. Martha running to Jesus on the road and telling him if only he'd been there, Lazarus wouldn't have died. And then Mary comes and says the same thing. And Jesus doesn't start by telling them the end of the story. Jesus weeps with them. He is broken that they have to endure this pain because as much as they love Lazarus, Jesus loves him more. Then he comforts the sisters by saying this was all done for his glory to be made known.  

Kidney, brain, neck, shoulders, spine, ribs, hips, thighs. 

It sounds really bad...but not 4 days in a tomb bad. Is anything too hard for the Lord?

Prayer Requests:

-Our last update, we stated that Clay was going to have an infusion 11/2. This was delayed another 4 weeks because he is still dealing with some of the issues that put him in the hospital in August. We are seeing another doctor Friday to hopefully help with this. Please pray that this would be resolved and he would be able to start treatment on 11/30. 

-He is currently dealing with side effects from his daily pill. It's causing large blisters and a lot of sensitivity that makes it painful to walk. Pray that we would figure out the best way to get him relief from that. 

-We are traveling to Jackson, MS to meet his family on Friday. Then the 6 of us are going to spend a few days in an AirBNB for Thanksgiving day and Eden's birthday. Please pray for smooth travels and that Clay would feel well for these trips so we can enjoy some rest and sweet time with family. 

Ready, break!