This question used to be quite easy for me to answer. I was the annoying guy who always responded with "great!" The combination of my optimistic nature and my comfortably blessed life led to that answer even on subpar days. I'm an over-thinker so I always thought about the question far deeper than the "asker" intended it to be taken. But it was a welcomed reminder on my bad days of how great I had it.
I still over-think the question. Though it is delivered with the deeper intention way more often these days. But now I never know how to answer it. Everything is far more convoluted than it was before. Good days are overshadowed by what's going on under the surface. Bad days are much heavier for the same reason. Since I haven't written one of these in a while, it's probably time you (whoever is still reading these updates) heard it directly from me.
Physically I am doing pretty well. My pain is non-existent 99% of the time. My energy level is fairly high. Walking the 5k at the "Be a Part of the Cure" walk was more exhausting than I wanted it to be but I had a backpack on so I'm blaming that. I'm not dropping weight anymore — I'm actually up almost 30 pounds from my lowest point, though I've mostly leveled off the past couple of weeks. This is much better than losing weight.
I had another brain MRI a week and a half ago. My radiation oncologist wanted to get a scan as close to the treatment as possible to ensure all the spots were treated. My first MRI here showed 1 new spot. The doctor also saw another spot that might have been another new lesion & she wanted to be sure with a second MRI. That MRI confirmed those two lesions and also revealed 5 additional lesions. The scans were only 2 weeks apart and 5 new lesions showed up in that short window. That was jarring news to read, to say the least. Reading it while on our way to speak at a missions training in north LA made it harder to digest. As excited as we were to see some old friends and be a part of the training, we had that cloud hanging over us. See what I mean about it being hard to say how I'm doing?
The mental and spiritual toll is the hardest part. Most days, we are doing okay. We are excited to move to NLR soon and love going to watch Eli play baseball. Bringing home turtles and catching snakes and inspecting caterpillars are all such fun things. Reading books, nightly Bible stories, and Scripture memorization with the kids bring so much joy to us all. And yet, it's all a lot harder than it used to be. And our kids pick up on things that we wish they didn't have to understand yet. Like when someone hands us a thoughtful card or tells us they are praying for us and Eli asks, "Did they do that because daddy has cancer?" There's just this constant shadow of heaviness...or sadness...or worry interwoven with all of these things.
So we focus on making as many lasting memories as we can. Bekah's preference has always been "experiences" over "things" anyway. Now that's the preference of our family and we are embracing every day and every experience. Back when I could answer "great" without hesitation, I took the good days for granted. I certainly do not take the pain-free, energy-filled, joyful days for granted anymore. I treasure each one of them and pray that they'll last for years & years.
Praises
- The "Be a Part of the Cure" walk that our hospital hosted was a great time. Our team managed to win the award for "most creative team" much to our surprise. The event itself was lots of fun and we are grateful for everyone who came out to walk with us or donated in support of us.
- My stomach issues continue to be under control and my physical health remains in a good spot (Eli is currently waiting on me to go play ball with him as I type).
- We finally got everything approved to start my new medications. I received both of them over the past couple of days, as well.
- Our moving date is set for Memorial Day weekend. We pushed it back a little to let Eli's baseball season wrap up and then we'll be heading back to NLR. We sure will miss this place and this area but being closer to all of my appointments will be a large blessing. Moving brings stress, though, even when it's not as long of a move.
- The upcoming radiation for the brain lesions will be Monday (5/13) and Tuesday (5/14). It will be similar to the gamma knife treatments that I had done in New Orleans but a slightly different variation of it. Please pray they are successful and I continue to have minimal side effects (so far, a bald spot is all I've had to show for it).
- The new meds come with the same possible side effects as the last ones I was on. Please pray that my body responds well to them and that they attack the cancer cells as intended. This new one is supposed to be better at crossing into the brain and helping to eliminate those lesions. That would be really great, as far as we are concerned.
