It has been a while since we have updated simply because we have been in a bit of a waiting period. I wanted to wait to post until we had definite dates, but it seems the name of the game the last few months is waiting and rescheduling and pushing things back. However, the last month has been mostly sweet. Clay has had far more good days than bad and we have enjoyed so many sweet days with family.
Here is what we know is upcoming: Next Tuesday (10/17), we will have another CT Scan and Bone Scan. This will be the first bone scan we have had since May. We are eager to see the results though Clay's oncologist did let us know that it is sometimes difficult to tell progress on scans because scar tissue from the cancer looks quite similar to cancer. He said pain is often a good indication of progress. This was encouraging to us because his bone pain has decreased significantly since May. We are scheduled to have another infusion on November 2nd.
A dear friend jokingly asked me a couple months ago if I was tired of "joyfully surrendering" yet. And I laughed, because yes, some days I really am. And some days I fail miserably at doing that. But I think about the opposite: bitter resistance. I've had days when I am bitterly resistant, and those days are so much harder. When I try to walk this road on my own strength, I find that I quickly become bitter and resistant, and I feel how weak my own strength is. But on days when I am able to joyfully surrender, I feel his strength at work in my weakness and this burden is so much lighter.
It's strange to learn how to joyfully surrender in the midst of lament. Lament is a new language for me, but I'm learning that I can do both. I can joyfully surrender as I make my kids lunch and then lay on my bed and cry. I can joyfully surrender, acknowledging the goodness of the Lord and still go to the Lord with my confusion and frustration of how this could possibly be for our good. I can feel the brokenness of our situation and still marvel at how much joy and laughter is seeping in.
The Lord gave me these words for this year and he gave me Scripture:
"...count it as pure joy when you encounter trials of various kinds"
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trials that have come over you..."
"...suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame."
And so many more. I read the Word and am more convinced than I've ever been that this is true.
He also gave me an amazing and optimistic husband. I have not once heard him complain about how dramatically his life has changed in the last year. He takes it all in stride, and continues to leave me notes around the house to encourage me when I'm having a hard week, and convince the kids to hide with him behind a door to scare me when I walk into a room, and make breakfast for us that he doesn't eat, and read the books and Bible stories, say the prayers, and tell the stories at bedtime. He didn't choose the words, but he leads me in joyfully surrendering.
The Lord also gave me four little blessings. Everyday when I look down at my waist, I see these perfect little faces peering up at me, and even though they don't fully understand what is going on, I know it matters deeply how we walk through this trial. It's shaping them.
And He gave me an army of people surrounding us and praying for us. On July 24th, a friend started a 30 day prayer and fasting calendar for our family. It is still continuing. Nearly every day someone has signed up, and I know the Lord is doing so many unseen things through this and the prayers of so many other people. I was reminded anew that these prayers-not immunotherapy or diet changes or anything else-are by far the most effective and powerful thing. Here is the link to the prayer calendar if you would like to join: https://docs.google.com/
A song that I've been clinging to lately is "Comfort" by Bethany Barnard. This verse is so often an encouragement and reminder to me:
Though the branches are empty
Though this place looks nothing like the Promised Land
Unseen things they are changing
The wilderness and the wasteland shall be glad
Praises:
-A sweet September-with a beach trip with Clay's sister and Clay getting to take Eli, along with my dad, brother, and nephew to a Razorback game
-That the Lord is always working in the waiting
-That we haven't felt that anxious while we wait
Prayer Requests:
-Healing
-Good results on scans next week
-Clay is having some side effects to his daily TKI pill-sensitivity in his mouth and sores on his foot.
-Increased appetite and energy as they have been down the last few days.
Ready, Break!
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